its been a long time since you last blogged this way. the last time you did, u were having prelims. you wonder: how is it ever possible to feel as though u were going thru that all over again, when its been a month since it last ended. then again maybe nothing's really changed. you're suposed to be happy but you're far from that. you dont know why, you dont want to.

you think emo is a joke. and u have no intention to sound emo or, type emo. u dont like to trouble or confuse yourself, so u think maybe things will be a whole lot better if it was all a joke. u feel like u've lost touch, of wad, u dont know. everything suddenly seems distant. u hate changes, the fact that u are changing too. u suddenly feel like you dont know yourself. you're not sad or depressed. maybe a little lost. maybe in a drift that you dont know how to get out of. you keep thinking, 'if only this or that happens, i'll be really happy'. but you know far well that you wont be- even if it happens. and u know theres only one answer to all that-but still, u dont know wad to do abt it.

at 18, u think the world is a tragic. so much of it everyday. its so hard to be thankful in all these circumstances. but yet u see people capable of doing so, u cant help but wonder if u could do the same thing if it ever happens to you. you wish you'll never have to find out. u find it an irony when u dont practice wad u preach.

u need something to get your mind out of these. u need to know wad is bothering you.
maybe you just need to sleep. maybe its the song, maybe its the argument, but then maybe its something more than that. you hope tmr will be a sunny day, a better day.

its hard, God its so hard.